


To Neptune and Back Again

by DepressedDaisy



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Veronica's internal monologue, blatant exposition, mentions of Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars - Freeform, mentions of Veronica Mars/Stosh "Piz" Piznarski, no beta we die like men, to be read in Kristen Bell's voice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29299794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressedDaisy/pseuds/DepressedDaisy
Summary: Overview of the events starting directly at the ending of the third season to almost exactly the ending of the movie and everything in between, as narrated by Veronica.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	To Neptune and Back Again

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't even know why I'm publishing this, because I wrote it really just for me. Probably because I'm happy with the result, despite it being totally unnecessary to everyone else who isn't obsessed with continuity, like I am.  
> I just wanted to create a thread to follow between Veronica's departure from Neptune to her return, lending insight into how and why she changed so much and what she was thinking throughout it, while also taking the opportunity to address a couple of plot holes and establish some headcanons.  
> Also, this was pretty much word vomit, so if there's something wrong, or that you don't agree with, chat me up in the comments! I think this work in and of itself is proof that I'm totally into discussing my logic and headcanons.  
> Hope someone else out there can appreciate the fruits of my fruitless obsession with consistency!

I should have known. Messing with the Kanes had always been our undoing. For the second time in his life, my dad was ran out of office because of Jake Kane. Except it was worse this time, because then we could at least cling to our righteousness, to the knowledge that he was right and everyone else was wrong. But now? He actually was guilty. Not that it was wrong, because it was, at some extent, for the right reasons. But he did temper with evidence, and everyone did still find out, and it brought back down everything he’d built back up. And it was my fault.

I still think I was right, uncovering the Castle. If I could, I would’ve brought down that whole damn institution, and I probably could’ve, if I really tried. But, knowing my dad would take the blame for what I did? Knowing I finally got caught messing around things that were none of our business, and he would be the one to deal with the consequences? Knowing he would have to deal with that public humiliation, again, but this time I would have no one to blame, no undiscovered perp to investigate – but me? I would take it all back in an instant. They might’ve hurt me, they might’ve messed with Wallace, they might just plainly be a fucked up organization to begin with, but I would take it all back and let them keep to their sick ways if it meant keeping my father safe and happy. Except I couldn’t take it back. The damage was done. Finally, my snooping had gone too far.

I never cared if I hurt myself doing it. _Oh, well_. It was in pursuit of a better truth, wasn’t it? It was worth me getting hurt, because hey, I’d learned a long time ago I could heal from pretty much anything life (or assholes) threw at me and to not care about what anyone thought. It was easier living that way. Like a weight off my back. However, I could not care about what happened to me, but I couldn’t not care about what happened to the people I loved. So, Dad getting hurt was the final straw.

I was done with it. No more investigating, no more “favors”, no more shady deals or anything that could mess with our life in a way that couldn’t be fixed. It was hard, fighting my instincts, because that’s what they were, even if they did lead me down far too dangerous paths. But it did make my dad happy, and that was worth it.

I quickly realized I couldn’t stay in Neptune if I was serious about quitting. The town was practically ran on shady deals and was covered in corrupt organizations. My internship was good for, if nothing else, figuring that out. Getting out of town, to a place where nobody knew my reputation and where my loved ones weren’t the ones getting hurt and/or killed? I’ll admit, it was nice.

And I do say nothing else, because it ended up being a bust on the career front. It was both too close to home and nowhere near what I wanted, so basically the worst of both worlds. On one hand, getting that close to investigating was like an alcoholic going to a bar every day. I had to constantly watch myself to guarantee I wasn’t going too far again. I realized this was the freaking FBI, working for “the good guys”, right? But that also meant the stakes where just that much higher. And, on the other hand, I couldn’t even do what I was good at. They don’t mention that going legit also entails a lot of waiting around for permits, and warrants, and protocols. There’s really not as much kicking down doors as the movies would have you believe. Not to mention, all the jerks I faced in the PI business, who thought they could treat me like crap just because I was a pretty face? Well, they were nothing in front of most of those FBI suits. I left Virginia both bored and pissed off.

But, more importantly, I also left not wanting to go back home. I didn’t know where I did want to go, but I just knew I wouldn’t stand to go back to Neptune. Besides, I really wasn’t loving Hearst that much, now that the sex tape had gone viral; that everyone at the Free Press hated me because my info had gotten them shut down; the administration wasn’t so hot on me right now either, since Weevil, whom I vouched for, had gotten fired for stealing that ID card machine; and I saw my ex-boyfriend, whom I was determined to cut out of my life, at every fucking turn. Logan was maybe the worst of it, if I’m being honest. He was like a constant reminder of what I’d begun referring to as “my old life”. If detecting was my addiction, Logan was a gateway drug. I just really couldn’t handle seeing him every day.

From there, Stanford had seemed like the obvious choice. I’d only passed on a year before because, after everything we went through when I graduated, I wanted to be closer to my dad. Also, I’d be lying if I said Logan wasn’t part of that decision, too. I hated that I couldn’t help but let a boy influence my future, but I was in love, we had just gotten back together, and the thought of leaving him for a different school when we’d both gotten into Hearst just irked me. But now, skipping town seemed like a great idea. The only thing holding me back was Dad. Again, I didn’t want to leave him alone during this awful time, but he was more than thrilled about me ditching Neptune for the Ivy Leagues. Once we checked, and knew they’d take me back, it wasn’t much of a decision. My friends, who were also, by the way, going their own ways, assured me we would be able to keep in contact. They understood why I was doing it, which is why I love them.

Of course, then there was Piz. He had been on the back of my mind through all of this, and the only item in the “pro Hearst” column. But, as soon as I told him I was quitting investigating, and thinking about leaving Neptune behind, he was almost as excited as my dad that I would be safer from now on. He told me whatever I’d choose, not to worry about him, we would make it work.

We didn’t make it work. Within one semester, the long distance effectively killed our relationship, and honestly? I wasn’t that upset over it. Sure, I did like Piz, and I’d miss him, but over time, it had just started to feel like a lot of work, to keep this relationship going, when I wasn’t sure it was headed anywhere. It was a bit of a relief, actually, to finally cut that last tie keeping me connected to Neptune.

So, I became New Veronica. Stanford Veronica, with no reputation as a PI, nor – since the sex tape hadn’t quite reached there, thank God – as a slut. I got to start anew, leave all that trauma behind, and heal. It was like a breath of fresh air.

I was at a lost over what to follow, career-wise, but even that didn’t bother me much. It felt like everything was open ahead of me, unlike Neptune, where it felt like the town itself was inescapable and suffocating. I found Psychology almost by chance. I took a class figuring it’d be an easy A, given my Criminology and profiling background, but I found that I actually really liked it. By then, I was being pressured to choose a major, so, that being my favorite class, I figured “why not?”.

By my third year, I took a Law class simply because I needed to round out my schedule and a friend of mine, who was Pre-Law, asked me to take it with her. Once again, it took me by surprise, but I turned out to be actually good at it. Apparently, not everyone grows up learning about felonies and reciting the Miranda rights. Who knew?

So, there it was. Far enough from investigating that I wouldn’t get sucked back in, if I chose my area carefully, but close enough to my interests that I could still care about it and actually be good at it. From then on, everything felt like an easy decision to make, that just laid itself out in front of me. Soon enough, I’d gotten into Columbia and headed to New York. Then, I basically spent all those four years studying – everything they say about Law School being hard? Actually true – so that went by in a blur.

I was living a new life, the furthest away from Neptune I could get, and I was so wrapped up in the novelty of it, in striving so hard to fit into the New Veronica character I’d made for myself, I don’t think I even realized how much a part of me actually missed my old life until I ran into Piz.

Seeing him, on pure chance, was like getting a peek into the life I’d ran away from, and realizing it wasn’t as bad as I remembered. We had fun, catching up, and before I knew it, he was kissing me and talking about how he’d always been in love with me, after all this time. So, we got back together. Being with Piz was like a safe way to reconnect with my old life – if there was anything Piz always was, it was safe. I had missed it, and missed him, more than I thought. By then, I was in my fourth year of Law School, and he was at his dream job in a big radio station in the city. I figured, we were older now. More mature, more responsible, more available – We could actually make this work now, right?

It was, once again, easy getting swept up by Piz. He loved me, and there was never any drama with him, everything was just – simple. We got comfortable with each other, with our lives. Now that I look back on it, too comfortable.

It was fine for New Veronica – responsible Veronica, detached Veronica, grown-up Veronica, who was always trying her hardest to be content. To be happy with the life I had, because I’d left everything behind for it – it had to be worth it, right?

But then… Logan called.

My old life came… well, not knocking, but ringing. And it wasn’t like a breath of fresh air, or anything, but it was the first time in a long time I noticed my heart beating so hard and so fast I could hear it. I was... excited for something. And embarrassed to realize how long it’d been since I’d gotten excited for anything. All these years, I’d been going along with this “plan”, and everything was easy, and right, and fine, and comfortable – it felt like following the model of what my life should be. As opposed to actually living what I wanted it to be.

It was like waking up at the end of a long dream. It was a good dream, I’ll admit, but once I got into Neptune – everything just felt more alive, more exciting, more _right_. Not “right” in the way of how things were supposed to be, but _right_ in the way I could feel it in my gut. Like New Veronica was a part I was playing, a wall I’d put up, and here I could just relax and be myself. Being back home, despite its corruption; being with my dad, despite his protests; investigating, despite the fear of going back to an addiction; being with Logan, despite all our history… It felt _right_.

So, I don’t care what Dad or Wallace say. It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, moving back to Neptune. I don’t regret getting back to the family business. It wasn’t a mistake, getting back together with Logan. This is me, being more myself than I’ve been in years. Being finally happy, not just trying to be. As much as I’d tried to run from it, this town is a part of me, and ignoring it isn’t gonna make everything better. And, finally giving in, after years of denying it? Well, it feels a whole lot better, at least.

I suppose I was partly right, getting back together with Piz. I do regret leading him on, though, because what I now realize, is that it wasn’t him I was missing – it was my home. And now that I have grown up, and changed; now that I can actually make a difference in this town; now that both Logan and I are more mature and have finally worked through our issues – Maybe now this could all actually work. Now, I can make it work.

Look out, Neptune. The bitch is back.


End file.
